A Language of Their Own

Pickleball

Pickleball is a mélange of tennis, badminton, and ping pong; a pickler is especially obsessed. Pickle is a warning shouted before serving and OPA! signals open volleying after the third shot. Lose the game eleven-nil and you get pickled; the shutout is known as a bagel. Pickle your pal without losing your starting serve and it’s a golden pickle. 

The kitchen is the non-volley zone, marked by the kitchen line with the pantry on either side. A volley llama is an illegal shot in the kitchen. It’s hard to defend the no-man’s land in the transition zone between your kitchen and your baseline. A drive is a hard, low shot from the baseline. A bash is a hard shot off the top of the net; a let ace serve means they’ve been lettuced. A body shot or body bag is when you intentionally tag an opponent to win a point. Hit the non-receiving opposite player with a serve and you smashed a nasty nelson. A banger only hits hard drives at opponents, annoyingly. Enter a deep squat to attack a chest-high ball and you’ve smacked a scorpion. Slam a high ball into the net and it’s a fly swatter. Hit a ball through your legs, often facing the other way, and it’s called a tweener; hit a ball through your opponent’s legs and it’s a nutmeg or a 5-Hole.

A flabjack or flapjack only becomes a live ball called a dill once it bounces. Cradle the ball for a carry. A soft, arching shot into the non-volley zone is a dink or a dinker. Don’t donk your dinks; a speed up is a change of play. A tomahawk is a high overhead near the kitchen that flips from backhand to fore. A chop, chip, cut, or slice imparts backspin on the ball, and a chainsaw imparts spin before serving. Corkspin is riffling that causes a crooked bounce. A chicken wing is an awkward defensive shot with the paddle close and the elbow out. A weak shot is a falafel, aka a dead paddle. A cookie is an easy shot you really should enjoy.

An around-the-post (ATP) is a low return around the net’s post—hit one directly back at the opponent and you’ve hit a joey. A disguise is intentional deception to hit with a different pace or direction. Jump over the corner of the kitchen and hit the ball mid-air and you’ve played an Erne. Hit your partner’s ball in doubles and you poach their shot; cross in front of them to execute an Erne on their side and you’ve hit a Bert.

To perform a Shake n’ Bake or Crush n’ Rush, the shaker drives the third shot low over the lip, while the baker rushes to the net near the centerline. The intent is to pressure the opponent into a falafel or a pop up flub to easily put away. When teammates stack, they line up on the same side of the centerline during a serve or return, ready to move to their preferred positions. If two teams are tied after four games of doubles, a dreambreaker is played to decide the match with rotating singles. Play on half the court, often diagonally, and you’re playing skinny singles. Pickleball is pukaball in Hawaii.

Bowling

Power stroking is a form of tweening; the form lies somewhere between cranking and stroking, characterized by high hooking power and smooth delivery. Oil conditions the first two thirds of the lane resulting in the ice and rug; more friction means more hook for a cranker. Bounce your ball close to the foul line and you’re known as a harkrider. A clover, a sombrero, a hedgehog and a four-bagger are four strikes in a row, while three is a turkey. Three spares is a chicken. Three sombreros is a perfect game.

The sleeper, bicycle, barmaid, phantom pin, ninja pin, double wood, ghost pin, or mother-in-law is a pin directly behind another pin, and hard to see. The messenger, birddog, scout, or rogue pin is shrapnel; it flies across the width of the deck and knocks down another sucker after the others crumble for a spike.

Grandma’s teeth, Greek church, clothesline, railroad, dime store, the Kresge, poison ivy, dinner bucket and a sour apple (a.k.a. the full Murray, or Lily) are various combinations of pins left standing. Bedposts, fenceposts, mule ears, and snake-eyes, the 7-10 split, are the most difficult to convert. Faith, hope, charity is a Christmas tree. A golden gate is big ears, big four, and a double pinochle. Dead wood is a pin outside the reach of the sweeper.

A dirk is a toss with tremendous loft. A frozen rope is thrown hard in the pocket. Cheesy cakes are lanes known for easy strikes. Go bland and you start a new game.

Keglers are bowlers. Sandbaggers keep their average down to receive a higher handicap.

When the 6-pin gently tops the 10-pin, its known as a tickler or a love tap. An apple is a bowling ball, as well as a kegler who chokes. A dodo is an apple that’s overweight or out-of-balance. A grasshopper is an effective ball, especially on light pocket hits; some people call it a honey. Maples are pins and some call them wood.

Mr. Average is an absent bowler, Mrs. Average is an awol female.

To roll a ball in the moat or gutter is to poodle. A gutter ball is a puddle. If pins go down fast in a strike, it’s a splasher. When a string of strikes come to an end, one exclaims, “The fire’s out.”